For me, like for many others, 2020 was a lost year. Especially when it came to my blogging — or any creative writing for that matter. I didn’t even realize how badly I had fallen off until I took a year-end peek at my blogging stats.
So how lazy of a bastard was I in 2020? Well, I put out five blogs all year. Five in 365 days! Sorry, 366 (it was a Leap Year). For comparison, in 2019, I cranked out 69 posts. The year before — 57. That’s a hell of a drop off. And I don’t have any excuses. I’ve had plenty of time on my hands. Because of COVID, I have been working remotely and haven’t been to the office since March, so that’s been saving me an additional 10 or more hours a week because I’m not fighting rush hour traffic; I can literally roll out of bed and stumble into Nerd Central and log into work in my undies and a T-shirt if I so desire and then log off at the end of the day and amble into the kitchen for dinner. And how have I used this reclaimed time? Not wisely.
I did start multiple blog posts. Each one ended up like a broken down car abandoned on the side of the road, maybe to be retrieved later.
And creative projects like my book? Even worse. I did nada. I may have opened the file once, looked at it, gave a great big “Meh,” and closed it. And so far, 2021 isn’t shaping up to be any better — though maybe this post will get the ball rolling (assuming I finish it and post it).
The root of the problem?
So what’s the problem? Laziness? Well, that’s always a prime suspect. My dear old grandad used to tease me that I was bone idle, and there is some truth to it. Playing too many video games? I have been known to nerd out and can obsess over them but lately I haven’t been playing as much. I don’t watch a lot of TV anymore (though I do watch a fair amount of YouTube). I’ve even fallen off from painting miniatures (aka toy soldiers, according to the Houseguest), a hobby I’ve had for 30 years; until last week, I hadn’t touched a brush in months. I haven’t even mustered the energy to get my hair cut. The only thing I’ve been doing with any consistency is fighting online with Trump supporters and trying, fairly unsuccessfully, to combat a mountain of misinformation and disinformation.
I’ve kind of lost my creative mojo and the enjoyment in writing has not been there. I really think it’s 2020 weighing down on us all. It was the year of nonstop bullshit that’s transitioned into 2021.
COVID has been disruptive. Being an intovert, I love working at home, but being unable to go out and socialize got old a long time ago. I used go to coffee houses sometimes to write which wasn’t an option for a lot of the year. I guess I could now, but why take the chance? My friend Carol’s mom died from COVID. The cousin of my sister’s friend died from it. My friend’s co-worker, a 42-year old father of five didn’t make it. There are so many. My cousin’s daughter Haley was on a ventilator with it (luckily, she recovered). Our family friends the Zeiers have it right now — Mrs. Zeirer is miserable but not too bad, but Mr. Zeier has been hospitalized for over a week — hopefully he’ll be released soon. My nephew Santi got a mild form of it and thankfully recovered.
I don’t know. I’ve been feeling nihilistic — nothing really seems to matter in the end, so why make the effort? I was mildly depressed for a while with all the nonsense going on. I’m tired of COVID and annoyed with all the potential plague bearers not taking it seriously and refusing to mask up because it “violates their rights.” I blame Trump for politicizing masks. Actually, I’m so fed up with politics, particularly Trump’s non-stop bullshittery in regards to to his false stolen election claims. The fact that he’s hoodwinked millions into believing there was some vast conspiracy is depressing. It’s been a non-stop clown show the past few months, and I thought things might slowly calm down after all his election court challenges failed, but then it took a serious and deadly turn with the invasion of the Capitol building last week. And I expect more to come.
So what am I going to do about this malaise? People have tried to be helpful by telling me to set writing goals, but I’m not one to make New Year’s resolutions anymore because I know I’ll never keep them. Writing resolutions will fare as well as my frequent pledges to work out (which I really need to do).
On a funny side note, my phone apparently decided to take the matter of New Year’s resolutions into its own hands. Twice when I’ve tried to use Google Maps to navigate to stores a few miles away, I’ve noticed the travel time was 2+ hours. I was like, what the hell? Is it mistakenly sending me to a store 120 miles away in Tucson? No. Apparently, my phone thinks I’m a fat-ass who needs some exercise and was inexplicably giving me travel times based on walking instead of driving. Oh well, Google has good intentions, I guess.
Anyway, so I started this post back in 2020, but got it done close to halfway through January. I guess that’s progress. Right?