So why is the site called The Land Manatee? Well, my brother Kevin used to be a fitness freak. He ran marathons, which I always thought was a terrible idea. (“Why does my knee hurt?” — “Probably because you just ran 26.2 miles would be my guess”). He was always in shape then, good looking and women threw themselves at him (which was ironic, him being gay and all). And then there was me. Not gay, but definitely not as popular with the ladies (ever feel that life is just fucking with you?). I was allergic to exercise and had started to put on a little bit of weight. Next thing I knew, Kevin had started introducing me to his friends not as his big brother but as his larger brother. Somewhere along the way, he hung the nickname The Land Manatee on me. Gigantor was also popular. And Tubbles. I have to say Butthole was probably my least favorite nickname followed closely by The Former Super Model Known as Farah Fawcett. He used to introduce me to his friends by that one when I had long, wavy hair.
So yeah, living with him was totally like being stuck in an episode of Will & Grace.
Theformersupermodelknownasfarahfawcett.com could have been a catchy site name, but I’m guessing her estate would probably have sued me. And I imagine butthole.com was taken a long ago. (At this point, my legal team strongly advises against Googling it to confirm).
Anyway, the Land Manatee it is.